bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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