can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just high enough for therapy.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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