After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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