You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
