remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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