I like my sex mixed with concussions.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
