so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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