2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
