My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize