I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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