Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
