my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
