I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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