And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Randomize