I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
