Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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