Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
