Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize