absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
