hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
