Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
