Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
