i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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