@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Houston, we have a blender
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
