He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
