Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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