I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
