he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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