u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize