I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize