mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
