end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize