Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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