he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize