you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
