I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
