I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
