There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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