You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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