508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish life had little blips of pornography
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
