i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
