If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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