oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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