Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
