I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize