There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
