She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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