my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
