dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
