Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
