I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm too high and old for this...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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