Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
