We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
ok first of all what the fuck
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
