Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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