She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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