erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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