I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
