Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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