Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
