Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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