When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
