Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he thought i was a dude.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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