btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
