The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
