Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Shame is for Republicans.
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