chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ketchup is God's man juice
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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