if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
