What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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