if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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