I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize