chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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