you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im holly from the hills drunk
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
