The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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