So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
