never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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