Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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