Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just high enough for therapy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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