You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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