You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This couple is walking their pig around campus
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
