his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
