how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
