Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
