U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
there's paper in my vomit.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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