eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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