Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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