the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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