If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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