he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
