Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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