Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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