I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
