I cannot find my penis.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
