halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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