i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
