how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
