I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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