It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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