capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
